How To Turn to Jesus When You Can’t Carry It All

Some people love a new adventure. Evie Polsley is not one of them. Though a lot of her childhood was spent on the move, she never learned to fully embrace the journeys. Change and new beginnings remain a struggle, but she is learning to give her worries and cares, and those of her family, to the Lord. Finding comfort in his arms is the only way to face what’s ahead. It’s a joy to welcome Evie to the farm’s table today…

Guest Post by Evie Polsley

I’ve never been a fan of the back-to-school season.

I know summer schedules can make it difficult to figure out who is getting the kids where, especially since both my husband and I have busy jobs.Still, there is something sweet about being in the in-between space a sense of completion for what has past and a not-yet time before facing what is just over the horizon. 

This year was especially difficult as my older daughter began her college years, and my younger daughter started middle school.

“We had utterly failed to stop time.“

Two big transitions.

In mid-August the anxiety level in our house began to rise daily.

Everyone was nervous.

Everything seemed new.

The unknown was creeping closer. Though we valiantly tried to hold back the start dates, we finally succumbed to the reality that they were still coming. We had utterly failed to stop time.

Our oldest daughter’s transition came first.

We packed her bags, and she went off to a week-long orientation in the woods of Wisconsin with no phone and limited ways to communicate home. As she boarded the bus, her eyes met mine, and the terror inside them left a wound in my heart. I prayed to God for her to have peace and for me to have the strength not to cry as my baby went off on her own.

Then it was time for the middle schooler to start. Usually one of her favorite parts of heading back to school is filling out a chalkboard for our annual first-day picture. This year I had to beg her to help me fill it out. The smile in the photo was strained, and as we headed to the car, she took my hand and said, “Please don’t make me go.”

I wish I could say that I started praying and reading my Bible and that all the anxiety was washed away with my tears. But the truth was that I felt lost and disconnected.

I got distracted in my Bible reading and had a hard time praying. I bottled up my worries inside and spent weeks with a pit in my stomach, on edge emotionally, struggling to sleep.

“…part of our “[humbling ourselves] under the mighty power of God” is staying connected to him even when we don’t feel like it.“

I wanted to carry my daughters’ anxiety for them so they could rest, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even carry my own. I let it consume me. I wanted to hold on to what I knew was safe instead of handing all the change and anxiety to God. I wanted to be in control. 

That’s one of the strange things about control. The more we want to have control, the more it seems to slip between our fingers. In Matthew 16, Jesus begins telling his disciples that he will need to suffer and die. Peter, like I would, tries to control the situation.

“But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. ‘Heaven forbid, Lord,’ he said. ‘This will never happen to you!’ Jesus turned to Peter and said, ‘Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s’” (Matthew 16:22-23, NLT).

I wonder if Peter was remembering this moment when he was writing to other Christians scattered throughout the Roman Empire and were being persecuted. Peter encouraged them to not fall into the same trap he did, but to give everything to God because he has such a better plan than we could ever imagine. 

“So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you” (1 Peter 5:6-7, NLT).

I think part of our “[humbling ourselves] under the mighty power of God” is staying connected to him even when we don’t feel like it.

Moments when I struggle to hear God’s voice or don’t feel his hand on my life are times when I need to be even more engaged in his Word. For me, those times are often in seasons of change or unknown. 

During this tough back-to-school transition, a Bible with a reading plan helped me stay on track.

When life was changing, it felt good to have a routine. It kept me accountable, and I slowly started to relinquish control to God, handing him my worries and cares as well as those of my family. 

As I was reading through The One Year Bible New Testament for New Beginnings by DaySpring, one of the daily words of encouragement reminded me,

“Jesus is holding you together right now! Even when it seems like your world is spinning wildly out of control, he’s got you. Even during seasons when it feels like nothing is happening and you’re at a complete standstill. So hold on to Jesus as he holds on to you. Ask him to fill you with his wisdom, understanding, and strength so you’ll have all the endurance and patience you need in this moment”

Change will always come.

There will always be moments in life that are out of my control, but I can leave all that in the hands of Jesus, who so deeply cares about me that he gave up everything for me.

I’m resting in his hands.

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