How God’s secure love impacts your friendships 

You know, I’ve come to feel it in my bones: Friendship is one of God’s greatest treasures. We were made for deep attachment—to Him and to one another. In her latest book, Becky Harling asks a timely and tender question: How are you doing, friend wise? Drawing from the well of wisdom found in Proverbs, she gently guides us toward cultivating stronger, healthier relationships with our friends and families. What a joy to welcome Beaky to the farm’s table today…

Guest Post by Becky Harding

I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence. Proverbs 8:30 

“Becky, you should have deep attachment issues.”

My counselor’s words reverberated in my head long after I left her office. She was right; my mother suffered from dark depression after I was born.

When I was only a few weeks old, she left for a month on a ministry trip with my dad. My father, though in ministry, was abusive, so I could never quite trust him. 

Therapists and counselors alike tell us that to form healthy attachments with others, we must bond with a trustworthy caregiver in infancy. However, what happens if you don’t?

Are you unable to attach for the rest of your life?

I don’t believe so. I believe that God offers us the most secure and healthy  attachment. Out of that secure bonded attachment we are able to love and bond with friends. We love our friends out of the overflow of a secure heart. This is why it is essential to learn to enjoy and feel secure in God’s presence.  

For many, enjoying God’s presence feels ethereal. Yet, it is the key to lasting joy and security. It doesn’t  have to be some weird ethereal experience. As I have grown in learning to enjoy God’s presence, I have found some tools that help.

Gary Thomas wrote a book called Sacred Pathways, which helps readers understand that each of us is wired differently as far as experiencing the presence of God. We can strengthen our friendships by learning to enjoy God’s presence together. 

“We can strengthen our friendships by learning to enjoy God’s presence together.“

For example, my friend Judy and I both love the outdoors. We have met together for times of prayer in the Garden of the Gods park. Another friend loves worship music like I do. She and I often get on our knees together to worship.  

I experience the love and security of God’s presence when I am on my knees early in the morning  listening to worship music and allowing it to prompt my praise. As I spend time worshiping and praising God, I feel His presence come close, and I experience His love in ways I can’t even describe. I then ask God to pour His love through me to my friends.  

When I released the book Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World, I realized that many women needed a physical reminder of God’s presence in their lives. I had a bracelet designed that is engraved with the words, “Never Alone.”

As women have purchased these bracelets, I can’t tell you how many  times I’ve heard that the bracelet is a tangible reminder that God is with them, no matter their circumstances. As they have felt more secure with God, they have formed deeper attachments with others.  

In our quest for deeper attachment, it can be helpful to seek God together as friends.

This does two things: First, it can deepen your experience of God’s presence. Second, it deepens your attachment with  your friends.  

Here are a few suggestions for doing this: 

Set aside a day to spend together seeking God.

You might spend time outside or you could go to a  retreat center. The key is to schedule the time and agree you’re going to try to spend a day in prayer  together.  

Spend time worshiping together.

Choose worship music that you both like to prompt your praise. As  you listen, go back and forth praising God for all He has done.  

Read Scripture out loud to each other.

A friend and I recently did this. As we sat outside looking toward  the mountains, we took turns reading Psalm 84. It’s wonderful to hear Scripture from the voice of a dear friend. 

Take turns sharing prayer requests, and spend time praying blessing over each other.

I have loved doing this with friends. As you pray for each other and ask God to pour out His blessing on you both, your experience of God’s love will grow deeper, and your bond will grow stronger.  

Friend, I know that God wants you to experience deep attachment to both Him and others. He wants you to experience the fullness of His love and presence as well as the joy and love of close friendships.

If it’s been a while since you’ve truly felt God’s love and enjoyed His presence, try spending a day in prayer with a friend with the above suggestions. See if it doesn’t increase your experience of God’s presence and deepen your bond with your friend. 

Pause and Reflect  

How might feeling completely secure in God’s love impact your friendships? As you think about the suggestions for how to experience God’s presence in this chapter, which one resonates the most? 

“Teach me to enjoy Your presence daily, I pray. Show me what it looks like to live with a moment-by-moment awareness that You are with me. “

Prayer

Lord God, I long to experience Your presence in more tangible ways.

I want to not just know in my head that You love me, I want to feel it to the depths of my soul.

So often, Lord, I am distracted by all of the  noise of our culture. I get wrapped up in busyness and forget that You are with me constantly.

Teach me to enjoy Your presence daily, I pray. Show me what it looks like to live with a moment-by-moment awareness that You are with me.

May I rest today in the fact that I am deeply loved by You.

May I love my friends out of the overflow of a fully secure heart. 

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