Do You Want to be Well?

I will never cease being amazed at stories of the Holy Spirit taking over and completely transforming someone’s life. Alex Seeley lived with an eating disorder for decades before she allowed the Holy Spirit into her life and experienced complete healing. In The Divine Counselor, she reflects on the Holy Spirit as our closest guide and companion. Today, I’m pleased to welcome Alex here to share what she’s learned about living life with the Holy Spirit as her closest friend and most trusted counselor. It’s a joy to welcome Alex to the farm’s table today…

It was a pleasure to sit down with Alex in the belltower of our 1896 old stone church. Don’t miss our conversation.

Guest post by Alex Seeley

I remember when I suffered with an eating disorder, I would often sense the Holy Spirit asking me the question, “Do you want to be well?” during the twenty years that I walked in bondage to this addiction. My answer for so long was no.

I may not have said it out loud but deep down in my heart, I did not want to get well. I just wanted sympathy for my pain. I got locked into being the victim of my circumstances because others felt sorry for me and for what had been done to me. It gave me an excuse not to move on with my life and justification to stay stuck in the cycle of pain.

My issue had become such a source of comfort that I didn’t even realize it had become my identity and my friend. 

In a weird way, this sickness actually fueled the deficit in me that needed filling. For example, the more I lost weight, the more I found myself being affirmed by others for the way I looked. It was like a drug. Receiving compliments and feeling loved by others became my drug of choice.

Receiving compliments and feeling loved by others became my drug of choice.

Even though my mind was in complete agreement with the need to heal, deep down in my heart, I was not ready to give up what brought me a sense of comfort. At least, not just yet. I didn’t want to get well because healing meant doing the hard work of confronting the root issue in my heart, and that felt more overwhelming and even more painful than the wound itself. 

How many times do we choose comfort over confronting the issue because the Enemy has convinced us that confronting it will hurt more? He tempts us to stay bound by our issues and stuck in endless cycles of struggles, deceiving us into thinking it is someone else’s problem to fix rather than our own. I kept justifying why I did what I did, instead of asking the Holy Spirit how to overcome.

My breakthrough finally came when I chose to be done with the continual suffering that resulted from my decision to keep it hidden and refusal to admit that I needed help. I had to choose to let go and allow Jesus to heal my brokenness so I could get well, and that required something from me: a yielding, a surrendering, and a decision to stop blaming and start taking the responsibility that I needed to take. 

And I did. I yielded my heart, surrendered my will, and said, “Father, forgive me for wanting to put up with this suffering instead of surrendering to Your lordship. I’m tired of living like this. I want to be well, and I’m willing to do the work—with You. I’ll do whatever it takes, as long as You’re leading me.”

I had to forgive the person who hurt me deeply. I had to take responsibility, knowing that even though what had been done to me was not my fault, I could no longer blame anyone else for being bound. As soon as I did that, Jesus healed me. He delivered me from the eating disorder supernaturally in a moment, and then I had to walk out my freedom by renewing my mind with His Word. 

I had to choose to let go and allow Jesus to heal my brokenness so I could get well

He filled the areas where I needed affirmation with His love. He began to tell me what He loved about me, and it filled the void that I was so busy trying to fill for all those years. He taught me how to speak life over myself every time the Enemy would whisper a lie. I would take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to what Jesus said about me. Each time the Enemy tempted me to fall back into old habits, I would declare God’s Word and speak truth over my mind and heart.

I also made myself accountable to people I trusted. When I felt like I was slipping into bad patterns, I would confess my thoughts and bring them into the light, which disabled the Enemy’s stronghold over me. Over time, I was able to walk freely out of the bondage that had held me captive for twenty years. 

What mindsets are making you paralyzed and keeping you sick? And the question we need to ask ourselves is: Do we want to get well? We must desire change, no matter the cost, before we can experience true healing. 

We must desire change, no matter the cost, before we can experience true healing. 

It’s only when we are completely honest and vulnerable with Him that He can take our pain, suffering, and affliction, and turn it into lasting and genuine healing. He is the safest place to land, and He will never take advantage of you. He will always complete what He starts, and He most definitely will never leave you or forsake you. You get to choose if you want to stay sick on the inside or whether you’ll finally come to the end of yourself and allow Jesus to come and heal you. 

Ask yourself: Am I done making excuses? Am I ready to surrender to whatever God asks of me? Am I ready to step out in faith and touch Jesus? And do I really believe that He can make me well? 

If something in you is longing for healing, clarity, or a deeper connection with God – this is your invitation. 

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BellTower Stories

Alex Seeley joined us in our 1896 bell tower of our old stone church for a moving conversation about the Holy Spirit and her new book, The Divine Counselor. What does it look like to have your own divine counselor 24/7? Come join us in BellTower Stories as “the bells are the voice of the church, with tones that touch and search” —Longfellow

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{Our humble thanks to Thomas Nelson for their partnership in today’s devotional}