When pediatric nurse, Allyson Golden, experienced her hardest and darkest shift, she asked God, “Where was Your light in that situation?” Allyson learned that she wasn’t alone in asking that question, so she sought to study “light” in the Bible. As Allyson immersed herself in Scripture, she began to understand the transformative truth that we have no power to shine on our own, but the Light of the World shines through us—and no darkness can overcome it. It’s a joy to welcome Allyson to the farm’s table today…

Sensitive Content Note: Discussion of Mental Health & a Suicide Attempt

Guest Post by Allyson Golden

I will never forget that night.

Even though I was a trained pediatric nurse, nothing could have prepared me for what happened.

During my drive to the hospital that evening, I prayed that God would guide me as I worked. I had just hit my year-and-a-half mark, so I was a relatively new nurse. I prayed for a good patient assignment because, let’s be real, no nurse wants to have a hard shift.

I headed to the nurse’s station to check the whiteboard with the nurses’ names next to our assigned patients. Mine was next to a patient who had been on the unit for many months. Nurses can request to be assigned to long-term patients since continuity of care is nice for both nurse and patient. However, I hadn’t requested this patient and had taken care of him only once before. I noticed there were other nurses on duty who had requested this patient but had not been assigned to him, but I didn’t say anything.

Left unchecked, emotional stress can wear us down.

I went into each of my patients’ rooms, took their vitals, gave them their meds, discussed their care plan, and began to do my charting. The last on my rounds was the long-term patient. I knew he had endured difficult things. He was recovering physically but, unbeknownst to me, was still struggling emotionally.

Around eleven o’clock, his call light beeped. When I opened the door to his room, an eerie silence greeted me. The lights were off, and as I flipped the switch, I asked, “Can I get you anything? I saw you called the nurse’s station.”

I pulled the curtain back, and my heart leaped out of my chest as I realized that he had attempted to end his life and must have pushed the call button accidentally (or changed his mind) right before he passed out.

I yelled for help and checked to make sure he had a pulse. We initiated a code blue and continued to do everything to save him.

By the grace of God, he lived and was okay.

“Wherever God has you, He is with you. His light is within you. And He is so eager to shine through you like only He can.“

As everything calmed down, I walked out of his room and I lost it. I couldn’t get words to come, but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. The charge nurse said I could go home, and my amazing co-workers took over my patients. 

As I began to process everything, I couldn’t help but question: Why would this patient want to end his life? Why is there so much darkness in the world? And why was I assigned as his nurse that night, of all nights? Why me, God?

Unfortunately, this near disaster was not an isolated situation. Frontline workers and nurses see tragedy daily. Left unchecked, emotional stress can wear us down.

I long to be a person who brings hope to others. I want to be full of joy and a bright shining light for Jesus. But some days it feels too hard to see through the dark circumstances. I wish it was easier and that darkness didn’t exist. I long for the day when there will be no more darkness.

I bet you’ve had difficult situations where you questioned God’s purpose. But, He isn’t placing those things in your life to tear you down. Rather, He wants you to fulfill your purpose by being a vessel of His light to this very dark world. Wherever God has you, He is with you. His light is within you. And He is so eager to shine through you like only He can. 

“We can choose to let the darkness control us or take control of it ourselves with God’s help.“

Maybe you’re thinking you aren’t strong enough, bold enough, or capable enough to carry His light. But, my friend, you are. In fact, He has chosen you specifically to be a light in dark places and in hard spaces where no one else wants to go—where, at times, you might not want to go either.

Darkness has a way of telling us we are stuck. It wants us to feel like it controls us; but it doesn’t. We can choose to let the darkness control us or take control of it ourselves with God’s help. The Enemy wants us to believe the lie that there can’t be light amid darkness. Satan doesn’t want us to have the hope that Jesus brings us. 

Now, three years later, I keep returning to the ways the light of God’s hope and comfort meets us in every dark and painful room in our lives, in rooms and places that make our hearts break.

“In the presence of the Lord, absolutely no darkness can overcome His light. “

John 1:4–5 says, “In Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” In other words, Jesus is the light of the world. We may feel overwhelmed by darkness, but it will never overcome us because Jesus’s light is in us and around us. 

I have learned that light shines the brightest in hard situations.

Without darkness, we wouldn’t know what light is. It is in darkness that light contrasts the most and shines brighter than ever. There may be darkness in this world, but light breaks through to shatter it.

In the darkest rooms, the comforting light of God’s presence wraps every up every tender heart. Even in the darkest stories, because of the very real presence of the Lord, absolutely no darkness can overcome His light.

And His light is fully within those who believe in Him and who are focused on all of who He is.

Even in the darkest of situations.

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{ Our humble thanks to Waterbrook for their partnership in today’s devotional.}