If I could wind back time to when I was running hard after half-a-dozen kids, 10 and under, I think I’d like to just grab the hand hand of that younger Mamaversion of me and gently ask her:
What matters to God isn’t seemingly perfect families — but deeply cruciform ones.
Why would anyone think they can be such exceptional parents that parenting will never cause heartbreak — when all of God’s children have broken God’s, without exception?
If the perfect Father’s fatherhood is marked by trials, why would anyone think their parenting won’t be?
Anyone selling some formula to raise kids into some mirage version of perfect human beings, better go ahead and cold call God and let Him have it — because God Himself doesn’t have that kind of family.
What God does have is a family marked by amazing grace.
And I sat up late this week, long after I hugged and kissed the last kid goodnight, and I whispered it again in a dark house where we’ve spent more than the last 25 years raising a tribe of kids:
What matters to God isn’t seemingly perfect families — but deeply cruciform ones.
Because it’s true, I will fail, they will fail, this is a world that does not fail to ache. And all I know is this:
You may be busted up and bent — but what matters is that your bent is always toward love.
You may be busted up and bent — but what matters is that your bent is always toward love.
The pressure in parenting — and, really, the pressure in life — is to bend to the pressure of optics, bend to the pressure of appearances, bend to the pressure of accolades, whatever the cost.
But the bend of cruciform parenting isn’t toward optics; the bend of cruciform parenting is outward, pointing to the love of the Cross.
In the stillness of a sleeping house, worn with decades of raising more than half-a-dozen kids, we are all being worn down to the love that is real:
The goal of a Christian family isn’t to be a picture-perfect family —— but to be a family that is a picture of the gospel.
No one’s called to be a Billboard Family for Jesus, as that’s a way to be driven by wild control — but rather, the call is to be a Sign Post Family for Jesus, pointing to His perfection, driven by wild grace.
And that young Mama stirring soup with a baby slung on one hip, while simultaneously dictating spelling words and desperately trying to break up a posse of boys wrestling each other to the death on the kitchen floor, has now grown into the old Mama who knows certain steadying things in her bones about what it means to live out the verb of familying:
15 Keys to Parenting that a Mom of 7 Wishes She Knew Sooner & is Still Learning Because it’s Never too Late to Grow & Give Yourself the Break of His Grace:
1. Only speak words that make souls stronger.
2. A mother’s labor and delivery never ends — and you never stop having to remember to breathe.
3. There is no formula for parenting, there is only faith that there will be sufficient grace for every day.
4. Anger is contagious. And so is grace.
5. The way to raise children is to not raise your voice. Souls are fragile. Raising your voice can raze souls to the ground.
6. The moment when you are most repelled by a child’s behavior, that is your warning light to draw the very closest to that child.
7. Don’t let your children’s successes go to your head, and don’t let your children’s failures go to your heart; your assignment as a parent is to simply keep going to your Heavenly Father no matter what.
8. Parenting is never about training your children to be so good they won’t ever fall —- it’s about letting them see you fall in love every day with a good God.
9. The parent must always self-parent first, self-preaching always comes before child-teaching.
10. God gently leads those who have young, because He is leading us on a journey, that journeys alongside our children, who are on a journey of their own.
11. Parenting comes with no guarantees —- except the guarantee that God will be with you, no matter what comes. Nothing you bring into any child’s life guarantees any particular outcome.
12. Parenting is never about how your kids turn out. It’s always and only about you as the parent keep turning — how you keep turning toward your own children and toward your heavenly Father.
13. Your children aren’t yours for a lifetime, just for a little bit of time — and you owe them a debt of gratitude for the gift of that time, and they don’t owe you anything for that time.
14. Never stop eating, tasting, savouring God’s Word, morning, noon, and night — because though there will be days you taste tears, His Word make the tears still taste like hope.
After more than 2 and a half decades of parenting, and one, and a half-dozen kids, this is all I really know about parenting, regardless of age:
- Every parent has to give the best they can — and every child has to forgive the best they can.
And at the end of the day, it’s okay, you really do get to give yourself more than a break — you get to receive the lavish grace that Jesus gives you.
And you really do get to go ahead and tear up that parenting score-card that you think you’re failing — because the only thing that matters is that your name is scored into the perfect hands of Christ —and His name is scored deep into your heart.
Because What Matters Is That We All Know How to Bend Toward the Song of Love God Sings Over Us!
The simplest of truths, told through the sweetest of songs, can change the world.
Which is exactly the refrain of our very first (!!) children’s book Your Brave Song!
We all need a hope song,
a courage song,
a song that assures that our our bravery doesn’t come from inside of us,
it comes from knowing you’re loved by the One who created love and is Love Himself.
Your Brave Song includes:
❤ A page to attach your child’s picture that makes this a uniquely personalized kids’ book
❤ Exquisite hand painted, acrylic artwork by illustrator Amy Grimes
❤ Inspirational prose about finding your security and identity in Christ
❤ A rhyming song that kids can memorize easily so that they can return to its truth every day
Look (!!) All that You get free
for Pre-Ordering Your Brave Song now
We’ve put together one glorious bundle of FREE gifts for you, so we can put some joy into your hands now, especially for you and the brave hearts in your life, to profoundly thank you from the absolute bottom of our hearts for pre-ordering Your Brave Song.
When you pre-order, (Your Brave Song will arrive just after Feb. 7th, perfect for Valentine’s Day!) you’ll get,
all as free bonus gifts!
❤❤❤ Printable Lunchbox Cards with words of affirmation (also make great Valentines cards for friends!)
❤❤❤ Identity in Christ Pocket Cards: Print these & tuck in your pocket or purse or backpack, & you get a new playlist in your head and heart, of who you really are in Christ!
❤❤❤ Identity in Christ Art Prints: to rest that In Christ you are: Soul-Safe, Brave, and Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. Seen, Heard, Free, Known, and Redeemed. Accepted and Protected, Strengthened and Strong, and you Belong. You are held in the arms of God who sings a love song over you, for you, because of you. And today you are a love song back to Him.
❤❤❤ “You Are Loved” Printable Party Pack : a HUGE 50-page printable kit with everything you need to throw a “You Are Loved” party for ANYONE in your life. This kit includes party invitations, favor gift tags, photo booth props, cupcake toppers, a cake topper, a coloring page, note cards / table tents, 8×10 artwork/signs for decorations, & a “you are loved” banner!
